The Volunteer

There are volunteers in every community. Some are firefighters, others do work in hospitals. Still others deliver food to the old, sick or poor. But in the frum community, there is a unique kind of volunteer. This person dedicates much of their free time to "helping" teens stay or go back to being frum. In my experience, most of them have their heart in the right place. They genuinely want to help the teens they deal with. And some of them do. But there are some times when irreparable harm is done.

Teenagers are in a crucial period of their lives; a time when they figure out who they are and who they want to be for the rest of their lives. Yes, some off-the-derech kids are lashing out in a desperate cry for attention. But there are plenty who are miserable being forced to live a life that revolves around beliefs they just don't have. Can you imagine spending most of every day learning about and following rituals that have absolutely no meaning to you? Does that not sound like complete hell?

Of course, teens often don't have much of a choice. They are not economically independent yet so they have to either obey their parents or end up on the street. And well meaning Rabbis tend to take advantage of this situation. They probably think they're saving souls. I bet they do. But when parents ask "Should I send him to college?" and the Rabbi says "No! That will just infect them with tumah - send them to X Troubled Teen School" you have to wonder what they're thinking.

I have seen what happens when teens are sent off to Troubled Teen Schools. They pick up bad habits such as drugs, eating disorders, promiscuity, shop-lifting and more when they would have never imagined doing anything of the sort before. I've seen it happen. But somehow, cloistering a group of off-the-derech teens in a controlled environment is considered preferable than letting them go out into the world, get an education and sort things out. I am grateful that my parents did not send me off to one of those hellholes despite the advice of a Rabbi.

If the goal was really to help teens, these volunteers would help teens find their way. If they decide religion is right for them, great. If not, not. But these "saintly" volunteers have only one goal in mind - keep the teens following the rules of the Orthodox community. There is no regard for their emotional health or happiness. This proves that the volunteers are not the altruistic people they pretend to be.